the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This is the high leading the old right now
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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