I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
