I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
