So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
