I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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