I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
