I want you more than these girls want KFC
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
