if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize