You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
you never un-have a 4some
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
