Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize