I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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