What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
