No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
