her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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