I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I am naked and annoyed.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
