Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
