Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
