just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
