i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize