I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize