Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
