your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
