Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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