dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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