That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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