brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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