i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
