Apparently you make a good broom.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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