I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize