So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
