these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
