Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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