Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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