If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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