Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
