Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
