his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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