dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
