My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize