You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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