thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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