Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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