I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think my fart just growled at me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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