the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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