He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
