I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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