I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We had to coat check the pizza.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
