I heard we made out
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
