I will die if light touches me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
