I accidentally had phone sex last night
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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