Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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