Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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