Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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