Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
