dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
