also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
