No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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