it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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