I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The Olympian is in my bed
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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