I can't watch pbs sober anymore
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
