Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
