she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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