She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
