her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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