Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
