Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm passing your future prison.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
