sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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