all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
