Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
