New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
